bloodygranuaile (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bloodygranuaile) wrote2003-08-14 02:11 pm
bloodygranuaile) wrote2003-08-14 02:11 pm
Open letter to Ella Darcy
Ella sent me an email yesterday entitled, "I was digging through my hard drive..." The text consisted of the continuation, "And I found this. I've decided that I'm psychic. Maybe I should make people pay me for my talents. You, at least, owe me for (at least) putting the idea into your head." Attached was an AIM conversation from late June, which is to be found in this LiveJournal under the heading "Ella is *insane*."
A rant has been developing in my head in response to that, which I am posting here so as to never have to repeat it.
I am, quite frankly, amazed at your audacity. You take too much credit for events you are only a minor player in. You are not psychic; you are merely persistent. Not only did you call these events directly before the time they did happen, you drew the same conclusions two months previous when they did not apply to reality. And for the record, you did not "put the idea into my head". It wasn't a particulary difficult stretch of thinking. However, you did cause me to adamantly refuse to listen to such thoughts for quite a while, because they reminded me of you and your whole way of thinking on such matters. I eventually terminated that line of thinking because it was letting you and your views control my actions, which I absolutely under no circumstances wanted you to do.
Any credit which goes to you comes through a slightly more convoluted path. So, I thank you for bringing up the subject, for that caused me to post it on LJ, which then caused him to send me a lovely page-long email (which I am not letting you see, no matter how much you bother me about it), which then changed my way of thinking. And that is the extent of your usefulness and influence.
For from then on, you've mostly been an annoyance. And you know it, and from what I can tell, you like it. However, I would like to remind you that I have no need of another little sibling at the moment. I have one, and if I had wanted to be teased and ordered about to the end of my sanity, I would have told him. Note that my brother did not find out until my mother mentioned it in his hearing. Neither did I mention it to my father, that being why my mother mentioned it in my brother's hearing. If I had wanted teasing, I could have told them myself. But I didn't. I told you, for you are one of my best friends. And I told my mother, for I know her to be mature and understanding. And I am beginning to think that maybe I should have only told my mother, for you have been acting like the little sister I definitely do not need, and my mother has been acting the best friend that I definitely do.
Possibly the most little-sibling-ish tendency you have shown is to not listen to what I've been telling you. I don't know how many times I'm going to have to tell you this, but I'm hoping this is the last: I don't think like you do. You have told me, on occasion, that you love being in love. You appear to revel in being able to say that you have a boyfriend, as shown by your LiveJournal entry in which you whine "I miss my boyfriend" as opposed to "I miss D".
For the record, that causes the amount of sympathy I feel to plummet. I can understand missing D. I've met him; he's cool. However, I don't care whether or not you miss your boyfriend, because I hate the concept. You at one point asked me something along the lines of "Don't you like being in love?" The answer to that, sweetheart, is an emphatic NO. I detest it. I detest not only happy romantic endings to movies; I detest romance, period. I loathe both sappiness and lust. I hate being in love, I hate relationships, and I absolutely hate the term "boyfriend". I don't know how many bloody times I'm going to have to fucking tell you that. I don't think it's that outrageous a request to simply ask you to please not use that word around me, I can't stand it. And I really can't afford to have it relate to anyone I care about in my own mind, because, believe it or not, it would split us apart. For to me, it has always been a term of utmost disdain. I have only ever said it or thought it with disdain and contempt. So when Matt is gone, and you ask me if I miss my boyfriend, the answer actually changes to no. Because I hate the concept of missing one's boyfriend, absolutely loathe it with every fiber of my being, and in no way, shape or form do I want it to apply to me. But I would feel guilty if I didn't miss him when he isn't here. I ought to miss him; I love him. But I am utterly and completely incapable of having any feeling other than extreme distaste for anything that has been given the label of boyfriend. I know this sounds extremely strange to you, but I do not want romance in my love life. I do not want it, and would thank you to please stop attempting to convince me that it's there, to stop trying to label and conventionalize my relationships. I quite simply cannot stand it.
And should you want to persist in being an obnoxious, repetitive little-sister type, I would remind you that it is not that difficult for me to terminate all contact with you until summer begins again. I've had about enough, and really don't want to be driven to terminate a years-long, perfectly good friendship over what ought to be a small, quiet difference in opinions. But I won't miss three weeks of not having to listen to this.
*climbs down off of soapbox*
-Claudia
A rant has been developing in my head in response to that, which I am posting here so as to never have to repeat it.
I am, quite frankly, amazed at your audacity. You take too much credit for events you are only a minor player in. You are not psychic; you are merely persistent. Not only did you call these events directly before the time they did happen, you drew the same conclusions two months previous when they did not apply to reality. And for the record, you did not "put the idea into my head". It wasn't a particulary difficult stretch of thinking. However, you did cause me to adamantly refuse to listen to such thoughts for quite a while, because they reminded me of you and your whole way of thinking on such matters. I eventually terminated that line of thinking because it was letting you and your views control my actions, which I absolutely under no circumstances wanted you to do.
Any credit which goes to you comes through a slightly more convoluted path. So, I thank you for bringing up the subject, for that caused me to post it on LJ, which then caused him to send me a lovely page-long email (which I am not letting you see, no matter how much you bother me about it), which then changed my way of thinking. And that is the extent of your usefulness and influence.
For from then on, you've mostly been an annoyance. And you know it, and from what I can tell, you like it. However, I would like to remind you that I have no need of another little sibling at the moment. I have one, and if I had wanted to be teased and ordered about to the end of my sanity, I would have told him. Note that my brother did not find out until my mother mentioned it in his hearing. Neither did I mention it to my father, that being why my mother mentioned it in my brother's hearing. If I had wanted teasing, I could have told them myself. But I didn't. I told you, for you are one of my best friends. And I told my mother, for I know her to be mature and understanding. And I am beginning to think that maybe I should have only told my mother, for you have been acting like the little sister I definitely do not need, and my mother has been acting the best friend that I definitely do.
Possibly the most little-sibling-ish tendency you have shown is to not listen to what I've been telling you. I don't know how many times I'm going to have to tell you this, but I'm hoping this is the last: I don't think like you do. You have told me, on occasion, that you love being in love. You appear to revel in being able to say that you have a boyfriend, as shown by your LiveJournal entry in which you whine "I miss my boyfriend" as opposed to "I miss D".
For the record, that causes the amount of sympathy I feel to plummet. I can understand missing D. I've met him; he's cool. However, I don't care whether or not you miss your boyfriend, because I hate the concept. You at one point asked me something along the lines of "Don't you like being in love?" The answer to that, sweetheart, is an emphatic NO. I detest it. I detest not only happy romantic endings to movies; I detest romance, period. I loathe both sappiness and lust. I hate being in love, I hate relationships, and I absolutely hate the term "boyfriend". I don't know how many bloody times I'm going to have to fucking tell you that. I don't think it's that outrageous a request to simply ask you to please not use that word around me, I can't stand it. And I really can't afford to have it relate to anyone I care about in my own mind, because, believe it or not, it would split us apart. For to me, it has always been a term of utmost disdain. I have only ever said it or thought it with disdain and contempt. So when Matt is gone, and you ask me if I miss my boyfriend, the answer actually changes to no. Because I hate the concept of missing one's boyfriend, absolutely loathe it with every fiber of my being, and in no way, shape or form do I want it to apply to me. But I would feel guilty if I didn't miss him when he isn't here. I ought to miss him; I love him. But I am utterly and completely incapable of having any feeling other than extreme distaste for anything that has been given the label of boyfriend. I know this sounds extremely strange to you, but I do not want romance in my love life. I do not want it, and would thank you to please stop attempting to convince me that it's there, to stop trying to label and conventionalize my relationships. I quite simply cannot stand it.
And should you want to persist in being an obnoxious, repetitive little-sister type, I would remind you that it is not that difficult for me to terminate all contact with you until summer begins again. I've had about enough, and really don't want to be driven to terminate a years-long, perfectly good friendship over what ought to be a small, quiet difference in opinions. But I won't miss three weeks of not having to listen to this.
*climbs down off of soapbox*
-Claudia
Additional point
oh, I agree very muchly.
I would just like to add one point.
You people (actually, lots of people) just throw around the word "love". No. Not love. At this age, in high school, from the evidence I've seen in these silly relationshps... I cannot for one moment consider any of them "love". I think love is something far far far deeper that doesn't... cannot develop over short periods of time... A more correct word (that I have been searching for for a while, finally found what I would lable an appropriate one) would be the term "infatuation". I think it is far more accurate. Now, I have been sort of looking around for a better definition of the word "love" but I have been unable to find one. I'm not sure its something that can be defined... but at the same time, something you can tell wheather is there or not... Ghads.. This subject is incredibly dificult to talk about while making sense. Anyway. The point is: "love" is NOT the right word. It cannot be applied to these relationships. Please, if you have any better ideas than infatuation, please, do tell. Otherwise, if you don't mind, just like you say not to use the word "boyfriend" (or "girlfriend"), please, don't use the word love, okay?
Kristoph
Re: Additional point
But for me, friendship is love.
Re: Additional point
Re: Additional point