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Aug. 9th, 2003
I've realized that I can get very, very into language work at times. I've also realized that that rarely translates into being able to deal with the real world.
Linguistic fits tend to happen very late at night, when I'm trying to get to sleep. I couldn't say a damn coherent thing in English if I tried; I usually don't try. I just write out pages and pages of phrases and/or random note-type things, and whatever translation I can figure out. My English translations usually sound strange. However, these odd fits tend to be perfectly harmless, as they help me get to sleep and I don't have to deal with any English-speaking humans.
They also happen when I've been set to translate something. This is when the inability to think linguistically and relate to people at the same time becomes a problem. I'll be online doing translations, on occasion, and will simply drop any conversations that aren't linguistic. I'll only talk to people if I need their input--if they have vocab I don't, if I want their opinion on sketchier translating ideas. I can't have normal conversations. I've had people talking to me about really deep things, and I just can't be arsed to come up with a response. If I try to talk to people, I can't think of the appropriate thing to say in English. I don't emotionally respond to anything whatsoever, and have to try to figure out what the appropriate emotion is and type an appropriate response. It just doesn't work. Apparently, at times I get them wrong, get asked what I meant, and really can't do anything but shrug. I'll honestly have no idea what I'm talking about.
This is on my mind at the moment because of guilt. Guilt makes me think.
Yesterday, Matt and I were working on the synthetic language, so I really couldn't focus on anything besides that, except for Elvish and maybe French. I couldn't hold a conversation. We were making good progress on the conlang, though. God knows what posessed me to open AIM; we were using it to send sentences and translations to each other, but I should have figured out that I'd have to deal with other people as well. But I wasn't thinking in a frame of mind that really acknowledged that people existed.
Eddy IMs me; I'm confused for a moment and then start trying to respond to what she's sending me. I have no idea how off I was, but I know I wasn't thinking in the right frame of mind to have a conversation. It's difficult to explain how my mind works with this type of situation--it's something like, I don't want to write/say what I feel, because emotions don't have anything to do with what's important. Obvious answers to things, I think, but then they go away, and I don't end up typing anything that makes sense. I don't say the simple things such as I'm distracted, I can't talk right now, That's good news, etc., and I don't know why. But I just won't write them. I can't make something go from the basic thought to its final words without some form of changing it. And as I lose sight of the obvious answers to things, I lose my ability to say anything coherent in English, and start typing/talking in random other languages, not caring if the other person understands or not, not caring how they react, not thinking to say: Well, as long as you're not mad, I can't be being too fucking annoying, when they tell me: I don't know what you're saying but I don't particularly care.
Not sure what Matt's excuse for sending Eddy random things in the Leper Tongue was; he's not a linguist so I doubt the same thing happens to him. Maybe he just wanted to be annoying. But I just didn't remember what my other options were, and now feel rather guilty about the whole deal.
-Claudia, who needs to go do something to work off this linguistic low
Linguistic fits tend to happen very late at night, when I'm trying to get to sleep. I couldn't say a damn coherent thing in English if I tried; I usually don't try. I just write out pages and pages of phrases and/or random note-type things, and whatever translation I can figure out. My English translations usually sound strange. However, these odd fits tend to be perfectly harmless, as they help me get to sleep and I don't have to deal with any English-speaking humans.
They also happen when I've been set to translate something. This is when the inability to think linguistically and relate to people at the same time becomes a problem. I'll be online doing translations, on occasion, and will simply drop any conversations that aren't linguistic. I'll only talk to people if I need their input--if they have vocab I don't, if I want their opinion on sketchier translating ideas. I can't have normal conversations. I've had people talking to me about really deep things, and I just can't be arsed to come up with a response. If I try to talk to people, I can't think of the appropriate thing to say in English. I don't emotionally respond to anything whatsoever, and have to try to figure out what the appropriate emotion is and type an appropriate response. It just doesn't work. Apparently, at times I get them wrong, get asked what I meant, and really can't do anything but shrug. I'll honestly have no idea what I'm talking about.
This is on my mind at the moment because of guilt. Guilt makes me think.
Yesterday, Matt and I were working on the synthetic language, so I really couldn't focus on anything besides that, except for Elvish and maybe French. I couldn't hold a conversation. We were making good progress on the conlang, though. God knows what posessed me to open AIM; we were using it to send sentences and translations to each other, but I should have figured out that I'd have to deal with other people as well. But I wasn't thinking in a frame of mind that really acknowledged that people existed.
Eddy IMs me; I'm confused for a moment and then start trying to respond to what she's sending me. I have no idea how off I was, but I know I wasn't thinking in the right frame of mind to have a conversation. It's difficult to explain how my mind works with this type of situation--it's something like, I don't want to write/say what I feel, because emotions don't have anything to do with what's important. Obvious answers to things, I think, but then they go away, and I don't end up typing anything that makes sense. I don't say the simple things such as I'm distracted, I can't talk right now, That's good news, etc., and I don't know why. But I just won't write them. I can't make something go from the basic thought to its final words without some form of changing it. And as I lose sight of the obvious answers to things, I lose my ability to say anything coherent in English, and start typing/talking in random other languages, not caring if the other person understands or not, not caring how they react, not thinking to say: Well, as long as you're not mad, I can't be being too fucking annoying, when they tell me: I don't know what you're saying but I don't particularly care.
Not sure what Matt's excuse for sending Eddy random things in the Leper Tongue was; he's not a linguist so I doubt the same thing happens to him. Maybe he just wanted to be annoying. But I just didn't remember what my other options were, and now feel rather guilty about the whole deal.
-Claudia, who needs to go do something to work off this linguistic low
*is typehappy*
Aug. 9th, 2003 09:58 pmMore specifically, am rewrite-happy. I've rewritten the first chapter of my Playing With Fire and the first chapter of Ella's Rose Maiden (formerly Wolf Maiden).
Haven't done much schoolwork, though. Not good. And made the mistake of taking Benadryl at three this afternoon, and have been semi asleep ever since.
But I can edit when I'm asleep!! And I can edit at ten at night! And I like editing! Rewriting is SO much easier than writing.
Ella, Mercuria said we could probably use Angelfire to make an MST site... now all we need is a copy of Romeo and Juliet.
-Claudia
Haven't done much schoolwork, though. Not good. And made the mistake of taking Benadryl at three this afternoon, and have been semi asleep ever since.
But I can edit when I'm asleep!! And I can edit at ten at night! And I like editing! Rewriting is SO much easier than writing.
Ella, Mercuria said we could probably use Angelfire to make an MST site... now all we need is a copy of Romeo and Juliet.
-Claudia
