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Feb. 23rd, 2008 03:08 amWatched Stardust and Hedwig tonight. Am now pondering things about love, like the differences between buying love and proving it. Dear self: best time for thinking deep thoughts probably NOT 3 am after drinking two mangoberry shit spritzers and a mudslide, frolicking in the snow, and watching cracked-out movies about star hearts and transvestite punk rockers. Just for future reference.
Wanting to do something meaningfully nice for somebody, wondering if this is, in fact, a selfish impulse. Will settle for giving people cookies, although this is definitely a selfish impulse, because I really want to bake cookies and I also really want to avoid the sick depressive feeling that comes after eating all of them.
I think part of me almost wants a drama bomb to go off, because I need to feel deeply and intensively emotionally connected to people, I just want to be the supportive one instead of the one who needs support this time around. Feeling bad about this, because I don't actually want bad things to happen to my friends, I just want to be able to help them and unfortunately this would require them being in need of help.
Sometimes I wonder if I only love people so much because I was taught that love is a good thing and I'm trying to be able to like myself. And sometimes I wonder if I only love people because I want them to love me.
And then sometimes I sit around typing emolicious deep thoughts on LJ when I should really just go the hell to bed so I can focus my energies on something productive like how to manage my eating patterns so I don't spend half the day feeling sick.
Wanting to do something meaningfully nice for somebody, wondering if this is, in fact, a selfish impulse. Will settle for giving people cookies, although this is definitely a selfish impulse, because I really want to bake cookies and I also really want to avoid the sick depressive feeling that comes after eating all of them.
I think part of me almost wants a drama bomb to go off, because I need to feel deeply and intensively emotionally connected to people, I just want to be the supportive one instead of the one who needs support this time around. Feeling bad about this, because I don't actually want bad things to happen to my friends, I just want to be able to help them and unfortunately this would require them being in need of help.
Sometimes I wonder if I only love people so much because I was taught that love is a good thing and I'm trying to be able to like myself. And sometimes I wonder if I only love people because I want them to love me.
And then sometimes I sit around typing emolicious deep thoughts on LJ when I should really just go the hell to bed so I can focus my energies on something productive like how to manage my eating patterns so I don't spend half the day feeling sick.