Sunday five-card spread

Did a spread with the vampires today because I was feeling a bit nostalgic for them. They are my oldest and trustiest deck.

The past card is the King of Wands, Leadership, representing an ambitious man (usually, might be me in this case) who is driven and who pursues his lofty goals logically and analytically. Perhaps this was me earlier in the year when I was trying to map out what I wanted out of my career and figure out what I had to do to get there. Perhaps this was any of the colleagues I talked to then.

In the present, I have the Two of Swords, the Stalemate card. It represents exactly what it sounds like. This card signifies being stuck on some sort of dilemma or decision, of being unable to decide which is the best path to take. Right now I think it is speaking to my indecision over whether I should look seriously at changing jobs or if I should look seriously at taking more radical steps to be able to afford to keep this one.

In the not-so-hidden influences section, I have the Five of Cups, the "Loss and Disappoinment" card, which signifies mourning. This card signifies that I have suffered some sort of loss, and that I may need to sever a tie that has led to regret and disappointment. It says I may need to "allow the grief work to proceed while you revise your emotional priorities."

In the advice section, I have the Queen of Pentacles, which is my signifier card, the Practical Manager. This card can represent good business sense and financial security, which right now I don't think it does. As an advice card, it says that a sensible, practical approach can bring steady progress--I have been TRYING and it EMPHATICALLY HAS NOT. But perhaps it may be worth revisiting what sort of "practical, conservative measures" I can further apply to my own affairs. I'm trying not to feel like the positive Pentacles cards mock me when they show up, but that's how I feel lately.

The final outcome card, if I follow the advice of being practical and sensible in the management of my affairs, is the Three of Pentacles, "A Job Well Done," in its upright position representing "Beneficial use of talents." This card promises developments on the physical plane. Once nice development on the physical plane would be if my computer magically rediscovered the ability to allow me to conduct a simple task without making me restart it four fucking times. Seriously, it has become a microcosm of my ongoing ability to catch a fucking break or get a single fucking thing done without umpteen hundred annoying minor fuckups clogging shit up. I have restarted my computer three times in the course of writing this stupid post. This tarot thing was supposed to be a mindfulness exercise, but no. I wonder how many attempts it will take for it to post. I'm putting the over/under at 5 if anyone's interested. I might call my Internet provider to yell at them just because yelling at someone would make me feel better. Is that practical management? Anyway, the Three of Cups, against all probability and in defiance of everything I've ever found to be true about how the universe works, promises some sort of financial improvement, such as a promotion or some other kind of reward for doing a competent job and making use of my skills and talents. That would be nice. Again, I'm straight-up starting to feel like positive Pentacles cards are just personally mocking me when they appear in a reading.

But, hey. I guess I'll try to be pragmatic and keep my shit together this week and we'll see if it pays off in any way.