One more day...

Well, this week has officially been one of the worst weeks I've had to live through in a while... everything and everyone is falling apart, and I'm so tired and depressed that when they don't, I tend to get irritated. Today had surprising amount of upsides, which unfortunately means that I spent all my energy and am completely collapsing now.

Things that didn't completely suck today include:
-Talk about home taxidermy during lunch. (Step one: Make sure your pet is dead.) Reminded me of Hatim.
-Watching Frankenstein, the really old one with Boris Karloff, which I've decided is not a horror movie at all and is in fact a comedy.
-Did not have to do anything during gym, including get changed.
-Missed most of blog. Luparella not here.
-Show band show. Fun. Took way much energy but is thankfully totally removed from anything having anything to do with real world, and had people to talk to, and talentless cheerleaders and football team to make fun of.
-Ella got my attention via the method of yelling "Oy, Claudia!" twice today. Have decided I really love being called Claudia IRL.

Things that did suck:
-Hungry all day. Finally got home and ate substantial amount of real food; have decided that being too hungry is actually much more fun than being too full. Is... cleaner, somehow.
-If it's possible, I've been functioning off of even less sleep than usual this week. If is not possible, than am on regular amount of sleep. I don't know.
-Realized hadn't done history homework, which then made me realize how little work I've been doing this week. I can function better than I could on Sunday, but I'm still slacking dreadfully.
-Sra. Davis is scary.
-While am no longer feeling lost, it still sucks that not only my own, but all of my friend's lives as well seem to be characterized by severe mental, emotional, and parental problems. Is at least familiar territory, but is familiar territory that is no fun whatsoever.
-Want to Speak With Ella's mother. Not going to happen. Would only make things worse.
-...hate house-selling business...
-Still battling severe self-loathing.
-Battle with self-loathing gets markedly worse every time I start thinking.
-Nagging feeling caused by having approximately half a dozen emails I need to respond to, but can't write a decent response to anything at the moment, even if I could access all of them, which I can't.
-Conversation skills, which are quite bad most of the time anyways, are now utterly nonexistent.
-Difficulty with French homework caused by the fact that my life consists of a lot of doing nothing, and some things that I don't know how to translate into French.
-Forgot blog book, thankfully didn't make much difference as was only there for ten minutes.
-Beky was going to come over and do work but couldn't.
-Have been about to cry for nearly a week now.
-Still sick.

But thankfully, only one more day until the weekend. And weekend is to be spent at father's, which is where the computer actually works.

And now I have to do homework; can't go home until ten even if I manage to finish all my work before then because of Back to School Night, meaning I can't get a ride and would have to walk, which would probably result in me being killed as am dressed in black, as usual, and there aren't any bloody sidewalks.

Why are there no sidewalks?

-Claudia

Quotes.

Well, I have half an hour to kill before I can go home, and I simply cannot do anything productive in any way, shape, or form. So I'm typing up all the quotes in my copy of The Tale of the Body Theif that I've highlighted where I can still see the highlighting through this headache, just to have something to do with my hands that doesn't take much effort.

the thrill in utter self-sacrifice (245)

"I cannot live when I am faced with the misery of the world. I cannot justify comfort or pleasure when other people are suffering. I don't know how anyone can." (247)

"God may or may not exist. But misery is real." (248)

I prayed to the dark gods who don't exist to understand. (303)

"Does any being use what he possesses?" "Perhaps a few brave geniuses know their true limits. What do the rest of us do but complain?" (312)

Hopefully, at some point, all my ARVC books will end up as battered and marked up as my copy of QOTD, and with as much highlighting as Ella's version of Blackwood Farm would be if I hadn't lent her TVL for DEAR on Tuesday. But have quite a ways to go until then.

I rather miss my copy of QOTD... I read it obsessively last year, every time I got to the end I'd just turn back to the beginning again. I have dozens of arguments and observations marked with post-its, and a few random quotes I like highlighted.

I'm not particular with what I highlight. I'll highlight random descriptive phrases I like, or full sentences or paragraphs of debate where I actually agree with what they're saying.

Actually, in QotD, I think I have a few dozen post-it note markers and only one phrase highlighted: god of the secret pantheon.

Maybe I'll go in with a different color highlighter and mark up everything about Claudia.

...I am getting really, really attached to that name.

I'm going to sign off before I start making even less sense... and before the computer screen makes my headache worse...

-Claudia