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The storm subsides
Nov. 3rd, 2003 04:09 pmI do not believe I have missed any assignments because of this episode, which is a great improvement over last time, and the process of doing schoolwork has been generally good for me.
Having access to this LJ has also been good for me. Getting my wierd thoughts out is immensely helpful.
Talking to people without getting yelled at or ending up crying has done wonders, as well, most notably talking to Ben and my father. (Conversations with Ella, unfortunately, have still largely consisted of her pleading "Stop hurting yourself? For me?" which, though it does cause mild guilt, is mostly ineffective.)
The level of tenseness at my mother's is unbearable, for when she is in a bad mood, it is nigh on impossible for anyone in the vicinity to be in a good one. Is probably mostly, or even entirely, my fault. Sigh. My father is probably quite right in saying that I fail to appreciate what my parents do provide for me, preferring to focus on the negative things, and that that is causing problems. And it is definitely true that my mother gave up her career to raise my brother and I, and that I merely take that as an example of what not to do with my life. We're very different people... siiigh.
I have been told to stop punishing myself. This I will not do. I have also been told to figure out who I am, which seems a worthy endeavor.
Still think meds of some sort to be a necessary addition to whatever mental adjustments I make, for the frequency with which I fall into the abyss and the ease with which I can climb back out after however many days is clearly hormonal.
Ah, mon Dieu. It truly is time for me to get a grip.
-Claudia
Having access to this LJ has also been good for me. Getting my wierd thoughts out is immensely helpful.
Talking to people without getting yelled at or ending up crying has done wonders, as well, most notably talking to Ben and my father. (Conversations with Ella, unfortunately, have still largely consisted of her pleading "Stop hurting yourself? For me?" which, though it does cause mild guilt, is mostly ineffective.)
The level of tenseness at my mother's is unbearable, for when she is in a bad mood, it is nigh on impossible for anyone in the vicinity to be in a good one. Is probably mostly, or even entirely, my fault. Sigh. My father is probably quite right in saying that I fail to appreciate what my parents do provide for me, preferring to focus on the negative things, and that that is causing problems. And it is definitely true that my mother gave up her career to raise my brother and I, and that I merely take that as an example of what not to do with my life. We're very different people... siiigh.
I have been told to stop punishing myself. This I will not do. I have also been told to figure out who I am, which seems a worthy endeavor.
Still think meds of some sort to be a necessary addition to whatever mental adjustments I make, for the frequency with which I fall into the abyss and the ease with which I can climb back out after however many days is clearly hormonal.
Ah, mon Dieu. It truly is time for me to get a grip.
-Claudia