(no subject)

Reminded of various doctor type peoples telling me they had to make very sure that I was suffering from depression and not bi-polar disorder before they put me on anti-depressants, because if you put a bi-polar person on anti-depressants and they go manic, it's dangerous.

Am quite, quite sure that am depressed and not bi-polar, because the depression comes, and tends to stay, and runs fairly deep... and time I feel happy it's more forgetting I'm depressed, and the happy time is very, very fragile. Pretty much anything happening or not happening can kill it. I have to work to stay happy, but being miserable is easy as breathing, and tends to take work, sometimes work I don't feel like doing because I'm too depressed.

I was actually feeling fairly up today, but that's drained away sometime in the past five minutes and left me feeling just nauseously full.

Should go do homework now...

-Claudia

(no subject)

Found fairly odd cure for not-that-random bout of moodiness: tossing empty matchbook around my room whilst listening to loud inspirational power metal and burning candle and incense. Positive entropy on small enough scale that structure-oriented parent peoples leave me alone. Plus, structure-oriented parent peoples highly dislike power metal, thus stay too far away to order me to cease in case empty matchbook gets accidentally tossed into candle flame or knocks incense over thus setting rug on fire, or whatever.

Still like the idea of throwing peanut M&Ms at people.

On slightly less happy note, crew-type-of-stuff rather messed up. When Mrs Boepple sent people home and said that if she had not talked to one personally, one was to stay home, I figured that meant I was to stay home as she had not talked to me personally. Was reminded that had specifically asked to do makeup; asked Moody to figure out if that was expected of me or not. Found out, today, that yes, it was, come today after school. This is annoyingly short notice, as had already scheduled doctors appointment after school, and if had not, would have rather ticked off mother. So figure am supposed to go after school tomorrow, but don't have any other information whatsoever. So am feeling that if am unimportant enough to be overlooked so completely as to not be given any information, then am probably unimportant enough to just not do it and no one will care. Would rather do something else with my time, especially the weekends, as there are a few people I only see on weekends and a whole bunch of people I see the most on weekends. Plus am probably going to have a lot more doctor's appointments.

*wanders off*

-Claudia