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bloodygranuaileJust in case anyone is still laboring under the misconception that anti-choicers are nice, reasonable, not-viciously-woman-hating people, who just rilly rilly love babies, and think babies start being babies at 1 cell because THEY LIEK TOTES UNDERSTAND SCIENCE--I bring you two absolute parody-of-themselves gems from the religious loony "understanding" of science. In the Pandagon thread I posted previously, one of the anti-choice trolls claims the following:
Anti-Choicers Totes Know Science 1: "Plants do not reproduce sexually."
"Suppose that, say, oak trees reproduced in pairs, by creating together a new, single organism."
(Pro-choicers point out that they do. Explanation involves something about apple seeds being embryos.)
"No, it’s not. It [an apple seed] is analogous to a sperm. The manner in which human beings and apple trees reproduce is entirely different and disanalogous."
(Pro-choicers explain about pollination.)
"They do not combine and form an entirely new and distinct organism of the same species in the way that human beings do. There is no such thing as a “seed embryo”! The best analogy (which is what you want if your position is correct) would be a plant that reproduced by combining two seeds together, which resulted in the formation of an entirely new organism. Such a seed would be of the same genus as the two trees that produced it; if oak trees reproduced this way, the product would be an oak."
(Pro-choicers: "Learn to botany, dumbass!" Painstaking re-explanation of pollination and gametes and such.)
"When a female plant fertilizes a male seed, all it does is put biological material on top of the plant seed. It’s like sprinkling salt on your food. When humans reproduce, they create an entirely new, living organism. They don’t put fertilizer or some other material on top of a seed like plants do."
Yes, you read that right. This dude was supposedly about my age, and does not understand the difference between fertilizing an egg and winding up with a fertilized egg, and putting fertilizer on soil to wind up with fertile soil.
Then:
Anti-Choicers Totes Know Science 2: "There are special magic birth control pills that don't function as birth control."
Setup: Dude said something about Natural Family Planning. Pro-Choicers/Actual Woman Who Have Woman Bits And Know How They Work pointed out that NFP only works if you have regular and predictably cycling (along with about twelve hundred other mitigating factors).
"Irregular menstrual cycles are treatable."
(Women: With hormonal contraception. Which you just said you were against.)
"I know that. However, hormonal birth control is used only to regulate irregular menstrual cycles. When it is used to regulate them, it does not make you infertile like the ordinary use of OCPs usually does. It only regulates your fertility cycles."
I know magical thinking shouldn't surprise me, but... "If you take the SAME pill with a different INTENT, it WORKS DIFFERENTLY!!" I mean, I know that a lot of teens go on BC for the dual purpose of period regulation and BC, and tell their parents/whatever nosy patriarchs ask questions about it that they're only doing it for the period control aspect, but I'd never heard that they also pretended that it wouldn't work for the bc aspect anyway. And that any dude anywhere over the age of nine could really be so damn terrified of Teh Laydeez Have Bodies!!!11!!1!!!1EWWW!!!!11!1!!1 that they would actually let themselves believe it just blew my lobe*.
I know it's only funny 'cos it's not me--if this dude has a sister, or a mother, for that matter, her life is probably hellish--but since it's not me, I laughed myself into a cramp, and felt obligated to spread the hilarity and feeling of superiority.
*Obstreperal lobe, to be precise: the part of the brain that detects and resists oppression and evidence of oppressive structures. It is made-up science, but I reserve the right to use it anyway, because I fucking know it's made up.
Anti-Choicers Totes Know Science 1: "Plants do not reproduce sexually."
"Suppose that, say, oak trees reproduced in pairs, by creating together a new, single organism."
(Pro-choicers point out that they do. Explanation involves something about apple seeds being embryos.)
"No, it’s not. It [an apple seed] is analogous to a sperm. The manner in which human beings and apple trees reproduce is entirely different and disanalogous."
(Pro-choicers explain about pollination.)
"They do not combine and form an entirely new and distinct organism of the same species in the way that human beings do. There is no such thing as a “seed embryo”! The best analogy (which is what you want if your position is correct) would be a plant that reproduced by combining two seeds together, which resulted in the formation of an entirely new organism. Such a seed would be of the same genus as the two trees that produced it; if oak trees reproduced this way, the product would be an oak."
(Pro-choicers: "Learn to botany, dumbass!" Painstaking re-explanation of pollination and gametes and such.)
"When a female plant fertilizes a male seed, all it does is put biological material on top of the plant seed. It’s like sprinkling salt on your food. When humans reproduce, they create an entirely new, living organism. They don’t put fertilizer or some other material on top of a seed like plants do."
Yes, you read that right. This dude was supposedly about my age, and does not understand the difference between fertilizing an egg and winding up with a fertilized egg, and putting fertilizer on soil to wind up with fertile soil.
Then:
Anti-Choicers Totes Know Science 2: "There are special magic birth control pills that don't function as birth control."
Setup: Dude said something about Natural Family Planning. Pro-Choicers/Actual Woman Who Have Woman Bits And Know How They Work pointed out that NFP only works if you have regular and predictably cycling (along with about twelve hundred other mitigating factors).
"Irregular menstrual cycles are treatable."
(Women: With hormonal contraception. Which you just said you were against.)
"I know that. However, hormonal birth control is used only to regulate irregular menstrual cycles. When it is used to regulate them, it does not make you infertile like the ordinary use of OCPs usually does. It only regulates your fertility cycles."
I know magical thinking shouldn't surprise me, but... "If you take the SAME pill with a different INTENT, it WORKS DIFFERENTLY!!" I mean, I know that a lot of teens go on BC for the dual purpose of period regulation and BC, and tell their parents/whatever nosy patriarchs ask questions about it that they're only doing it for the period control aspect, but I'd never heard that they also pretended that it wouldn't work for the bc aspect anyway. And that any dude anywhere over the age of nine could really be so damn terrified of Teh Laydeez Have Bodies!!!11!!1!!!1EWWW!!!!11!1!!1 that they would actually let themselves believe it just blew my lobe*.
I know it's only funny 'cos it's not me--if this dude has a sister, or a mother, for that matter, her life is probably hellish--but since it's not me, I laughed myself into a cramp, and felt obligated to spread the hilarity and feeling of superiority.
*Obstreperal lobe, to be precise: the part of the brain that detects and resists oppression and evidence of oppressive structures. It is made-up science, but I reserve the right to use it anyway, because I fucking know it's made up.