A messy Celtic Cross

[bloodygranuaile]

Yeah, so this is the first big reading I've done since the election and I'm not sure what the hell is going on here.

I will admit to not concentrating very much when I shuffled, since I've been generally awful at concentrating at all lately. I got distracted wondering about the news and if any Democrats will ever have the guts to just stand up and ask Paul Ryan why he wants people to die next time he tries to repeal the ACA. How that man manages to live with himself I will never understand.

Anyway, there's a couple of themes here that I'm not sure I understand. The microcross has two cards both in the watery feminine mysticism vein of things; the rest of the cross is mostly coins, representing solid financial and material matters. And then the pillar ends the spread with three swords in a row (uh-oh). So... yeah.

The cover card is the Queen of Cups, the Caring Woman. She suggests an opportunity to turn inward and examine your feelings about a matter. What matter, I’m not sure? Perhaps this spread is just about my emotional state generally. The crossing card is the Moon, which represents deep instinctual forces, self-deception, dreams, imagination—there’s actually quite a lot of overlap between the Moon’s keywords and the Queen of Cups’ keywords. The Moon warns of deceit and lies and suggests I am entering a period of “fluctuating moods and uncertainty during which you must confront unconscious forces in order to succeed.” So I guess the microcross here is about my self-awareness, self-knowledge, and self-care. The main question is caring and the moderating factors are self-deceit and other internal forces where I might trip myself up, and whether I’ll be able to get a hold of myself honestly.

The beneath card is the Six of Pentacles, Generosity, which represents getting what you deserve. This is a great card to have in future-oriented parts of a reading but here it is basically the backstory—I guess saying that I am coming from a place of having been treated fairly and where I have been generous or had other people be generous to me. This is probably fair enough but I’m not sure specifically what aspect of my life it pertains to.

The behind card is the Queen of Pentacles, the Practical Manager. This worries me because this is the card that represents things passing out of existence, and this is also my signifier card. Combined with the Six of Pentacles, I’m getting a general sense that things have been going OK in the material realm in the past, or that I’ve gotten by OK focusing on the material realm, but it’s going to be time to change my focus because the material situation either won’t last or won’t sustain me. Something deeper is going on.

The above card, which is supposed to represent potential, is also a pentacle: the Two of Pentacles, or the Ups and Downs of Fortune. It refers to the need to be flexible and a situation involving juggling multiple obligations or juggling finances. This is depressing as I was really just getting back on track financially and was hoping to not have to worry too much about this going forward since I’ve got other stuff to worry about. But maybe if I take my focus off of financial issues, it’ll result in that situation getting difficult again? This card also suggests that I may need to make a decision to ease the tensions between the multiple things I am juggling, and advises me to be adaptable.

The before card is Temperance, which represents moderation and self-restraint, and is usually more useful as an advice card than as a “here’s what’s going to happen” card. I’m also not sure how it works with the potentiality/advice card. It does make some sense in relation to the microcross—that I may have to chill and be prudent when deep diving into my own psyche to fix whatever I need to fix in my emotional state—but I’m still not sure how the microcross ties in with all the pentacles cards. This card represents keeping things in balance but the card above it seems to represent trying to do multiple things that aren’t well balanced or integrated. Suggestions are welcome.

The pillar starts with the Five of Wands as the Self card, which is “A Mock Battle.” Unlike many other conflict-driven cards, this card specifically indicates that there is some sort of external conflict or rivalry going on, which obviously makes total sense as the Self card. Maybe my Self is just in rebellion to accepting that the election happened the way it did. Anyway, it’s a conflict card, and also the last card in the spread that isn’t a sword.

The House card, this being the card that does specifically represent your outside surroundings, is the Eight of Swords, the Bondage card, representing self-imposed limitation. So the card about my internal self is the card for outside conflict and the card about my external surroundings is the card about internal limitations. Can you see why I hate this reading yet? I’m sure it really does make sense somehow. Probably that I’m reacting to everything all wrong.

The hopes, fears, and expectations card is the Page of Swords, who represents quick thinking and decisiveness. Stiefvater recommends that when the Page of Swords appears, one should “channel the unbiased interest of a child” and pursue truth relentlessly. This is probably a good goal.

The final outcome card is the Nine of Swords, the Nightmare card, which basically represents… feeling terrible. Stress, guilt, loss of sleep. Much like the Eight, this card suggests that much of the pain here is basically all in your head. I guess if I keep doing what is suggested in the Two of Pentacles—i.e., too many things—the most likely outcome is that I’ll end up stressed out and nonfunctional.

I’m really not sure what I’m supposed to do with this reading, except that I really need to get my mental shit sorted out somehow. I can’t suss out any useful advice on how, since everything is so contradictory. Don’t do too many things but also do multiple things in moderation. Focus less on finances but your financial situation will worsen. Your inside is fighting the outside but your surroundings are all in your head. I don’t know.

If anyone wants to take a stab at making head or tail of this, don’t hesitate to contact me. I’m tired.