Sigh...

[bloodygranuaile]

I pull myself out of my historical bubble and my mood crashes... I'm sick of schoolwork, I don't want to accomplish anything, I don't want to read and think about it, I don't want to write, I'm getting fidgety and lonely and if I can't see any of my friends than I just want to curl up with some soft fantasy novel, nothing deep, I don't want to read Tolkien or Shakespeare or Ivanhoe or Beowulf or History of the Ancient World, the books I have sitting on my desk at the moment; no mythology or historical fiction, I don't want anything pertaining to this world, and I sure as hell don't want any thinkwork. I need a break from think-reading, a social break would be nice, but there's nobody around... Matt, Moody, Ella, Packy, Beky, and Chris are all away, and Ella the only one of the lot that I could talk to online, and she'll probably be on later but that doesn't help me now. Thalia hasn't been on a lot lately; I haven't spoken to her in a while... same goes for Ben, no LJ, no IM, no RL contact. I've had a depressingly un-social summer... I spend the time when Matt is here hanging out with him and Moody, the time he's not here never leaving the house. I only see Ben at the Jacoby's. Packy's been gone all summer, I can only talk to him online but he's not very conversant online. I've gone and gotten Eddy mad at me so I don't have her to talk to either; Beky's been gone; Chris I've seen twice all summer--Mideival Times, and when I went to see Beky. I remember near the end of school, Chris and I whining about next year, how we won't see each other as often... well, I seem to have gotten a good crash course in complete lack of contact with him, so next year'll be a blessing in that I'll get to see him more often than I have this summer. Assuming he actually cares to talk to me.

I really don't want to think about school starting in the fall; school is generally hateful... school is why I'm doing so much damned thinkwork in the middle of summer vacation; school will be lonely with friends gone... although I hope it will never again come to where I just don't have anybody to talk to, no reason to speak a word the entire morning, to where I sit curled up with a book in front of my locker during lunch. I don't believe I realized that I was depressed last year until the depression lifted; I didn't realize how alone I was until I found people again. I remember the spring more than I remember the rest of the year; the fourth marking period, with all its strife, seemed a blessing to me, because it was preceded by the first three marking periods. And I'm just praying that never happens again.

So now I am here without my two main means of escapism, friends and light reading, and can either continue working or continue feeling sorry for myself. Gaaaah.

-Claudia, wondering where everyone's gone

Comments

I was at the beach...

[tinuviel8994.livejournal.com]

::guilt::

Claaaaaaaaaaaaaaaare! Taaaaaaaaaalk to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I miss you tooooooooooo!

::tear::

[endomiel.livejournal.com]

you should try "engaging men" or "gingerbread". They're easy-reading books, no depth, just plain funny. they don't wnat to explore the deeper being of man, or anything like that, just funny-ness in words :o)