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bloodygranuaile1 word:
tired
depressed
nostalgic
lonely
cramping
coughing
headachey
cold
=sick
emotional
disillusioned
incoherent
2 words:
missing you
self psychoanalysis
self hatred
wanting pain
needing sleep
can't concentrate
can't help
save me
sentence fragments:
listening to blind guardian in study hall, nearly started crying
trying not to pick at or reopen the cuts on my hands, its tempting, very tempting, i think i need more tape if they're ever going to heal
too sick to go to track practice; no tylenol in this damn house and i can't take other meds anymore because of lithium
overwhelmed afresh by the pointlessness of life and the uselessness of mine in particular; frustrated by my inability to be useful in any way i care to, frustrated that i'll never accomplish anything if i don't learn how and i'll never learn how if i don't straighten out my issues with myself first but have no desire to straighen out my own issues; would rather work on other peoples'... it goes in a circle and i'm too tired to figure out how to get out
school is dry, dull, rushed, scheduled, merciless, pointless, all-important; i can't stand it, part of me wishes to succeed there but most of me just wishes to curl up with someone and be warm and calm as i did so often this summer, to get out of school and out of home and just be somewhere-else
the desire to live fully is the same as the desire to kill oneself; one is not an option and the other solves nothing
can't write a coherent sentence can't be bothered to punctuate this isn't good, my brain is falling apart
i love you
tired
depressed
nostalgic
lonely
cramping
coughing
headachey
cold
=sick
emotional
disillusioned
incoherent
2 words:
missing you
self psychoanalysis
self hatred
wanting pain
needing sleep
can't concentrate
can't help
save me
sentence fragments:
listening to blind guardian in study hall, nearly started crying
trying not to pick at or reopen the cuts on my hands, its tempting, very tempting, i think i need more tape if they're ever going to heal
too sick to go to track practice; no tylenol in this damn house and i can't take other meds anymore because of lithium
overwhelmed afresh by the pointlessness of life and the uselessness of mine in particular; frustrated by my inability to be useful in any way i care to, frustrated that i'll never accomplish anything if i don't learn how and i'll never learn how if i don't straighten out my issues with myself first but have no desire to straighen out my own issues; would rather work on other peoples'... it goes in a circle and i'm too tired to figure out how to get out
school is dry, dull, rushed, scheduled, merciless, pointless, all-important; i can't stand it, part of me wishes to succeed there but most of me just wishes to curl up with someone and be warm and calm as i did so often this summer, to get out of school and out of home and just be somewhere-else
the desire to live fully is the same as the desire to kill oneself; one is not an option and the other solves nothing
can't write a coherent sentence can't be bothered to punctuate this isn't good, my brain is falling apart
i love you
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no subject
Date: 2003-12-08 06:54 pm (UTC)love
hugs
comfort
solace
kisses
warmth
armchairs
=frustrated
missing
you
2 words:
far away
wish wasn't
hug shower
comfort love
want something
to do
help somehow?
sentence fragments:
damn these 45 minutes
one of my closest friends, here in this desolate place
wish I could be there for her and now I feel useless
not so many miles, only there are too many
don't pick open the goddamned scabs
it's far too easy to despair.
Not very helpful am I? The long and short of it:
*HUG*
no subject
Date: 2003-12-08 07:02 pm (UTC)Ack.
Date: 2003-12-08 07:12 pm (UTC)Here, have A MILLION, BILLION, TRILLION HUGS!
I am sending Good Stuff your way.
I hope you feel better soon.