decent entry not available, this'll have to do

[bloodygranuaile]

1 word:
tired
depressed
nostalgic
lonely
cramping
coughing
headachey
cold
=sick
emotional
disillusioned
incoherent

2 words:
missing you
self psychoanalysis
self hatred
wanting pain
needing sleep
can't concentrate
can't help
save me

sentence fragments:
listening to blind guardian in study hall, nearly started crying
trying not to pick at or reopen the cuts on my hands, its tempting, very tempting, i think i need more tape if they're ever going to heal
too sick to go to track practice; no tylenol in this damn house and i can't take other meds anymore because of lithium
overwhelmed afresh by the pointlessness of life and the uselessness of mine in particular; frustrated by my inability to be useful in any way i care to, frustrated that i'll never accomplish anything if i don't learn how and i'll never learn how if i don't straighten out my issues with myself first but have no desire to straighen out my own issues; would rather work on other peoples'... it goes in a circle and i'm too tired to figure out how to get out
school is dry, dull, rushed, scheduled, merciless, pointless, all-important; i can't stand it, part of me wishes to succeed there but most of me just wishes to curl up with someone and be warm and calm as i did so often this summer, to get out of school and out of home and just be somewhere-else
the desire to live fully is the same as the desire to kill oneself; one is not an option and the other solves nothing
can't write a coherent sentence can't be bothered to punctuate this isn't good, my brain is falling apart
i love you

Comments

[mercuriazs.livejournal.com]

*hug* I'm thinking of you, okay? Claudia, please ... I don't really know what I'm asking, except ... stay safe. *hug*