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It might be because it's getting near to back to school, so I keep going back to last year and comparing how far I've come, but that doesn't quite explain everything. I don't know if there is one explanation for how much I've been thinking lately. But my brain is in total overdrive, so that I can't concentrate on schoolwork in the least. I'm too busy thinking--about myself, about my friends, about Life, the Universe, and Everything. I realize I've been prone to psychobabble lately, because of retaking that personality test at the Jacobyhouse, and my brain has been going and synthesizing absolutely everything I've learnt about myself in the past year (I've taken an uncountable number of online quizzes and personality tests and that sort of thing...); I've got a hell of a much better grasp on who I am than I did last year. And I've realized that all this knowledge is making it easier for me to regulate my own behavior--now that I know my own personality, I'm not as much of a slave to it. I can sometimes take on other roles. When I want to be loud and sociable and talk to people, I occasionally can. I know who I am now, so I can play with my image and my behavior. Except I can't really stop psychobabbling at people. Must work on that.
Have been making utterly random observations. Have also been obsessively running over all the things I have failed to accomplish in the past year, in the form of making "I need" lists. Many "I need"s come from random observations.
I need more music. Needmoreneedmoreneedmore. Moody and Ella burned me CDs and gave them to me today, so that's about twice as much as I had, but still. Need more. Have decided I like heavy metal and old rock (not only can now stand the Grateful Dead, but actually like them. About time; can only hate a band just because you're made to listen to it for so long). Not even needing peoples to be nice and burn CDs for me, just want recommended songs and can download them here at fatherperson's house. (I'n't Kazaa wonderful?)
Have too many nonfiction books! Need more fantasy! Much more! Have an absurdly long list of books to get, but most are classics and/or nonfiction. And Tolkien tends to be hard to start; too thinkworkish. I've been feeling Generally Discontent about my reading material since I finished Piers Anthony's "Incarnations of Immortality" series. Which means should probably go read the Xanth books, considering they're what he's famous for anyway. I think I've gotten too far out of the zone of reading I really like through being too much of an intellectual elitist. I miss generic, easy-to-read S&S, dammit! I feel completely behind in the whole fantasy genre. I used to be all by myself in even liking that stuff; now I'm woefully behind everyone else who seems to have missed having a Middle Ages about it. For a few years, I didn't have any new reading material, and seem to have missed tons of reading. Now I'm mad at myself for missing worlds, and am, in essence, making mental notes to check out entire fandoms. When the PPC board posts another woefully bad LotR/Forgotten Realms crossover, and I realize I only know one fandom while both are S&S book fandoms, I tend to feel extremely disappointed in myself. Should've picked up LotR earlier, should've read more, should've read more... but I had no contact with anyone else for such a long time; there was only Christine, and anything she didn't get into I didn't know existed. I've missed way too much, and feel that with all this bloody useless schoolwork and fanfiction crap I'll never have time to catch up. I *need* to go to the library. In the meantime, I'm going to go read more of that book Matt lent me, whatever it's called, when I'm done ranting here.
It was about four months ago when I was invited to be introduced into the world of DnD by sitting in on gaming sessions. Well, it has been proven that I can't pick it up that way. Asked Moody how to remedy this; he says it is highly unlikely that anyone with a copy of the Player's Handbook will be able to part with it for the week or two it would probably take me to read it. Sigh. Means probably must buy it myself. However, book is thirty dollars ish, which is much money for ickle me, considering I usually buy paperback fantasy series novels which tend to range from five to eight dollars. Could probably get it for less online, but then add shipping, and probably save about five dollars, ten absolute maximum. Don't particularly want to spend that much on something I'm not totally sure I'll be that into, and can't know how much I like it until I learn it. Don't know if library carries, or if other library carries. Will ask my dear lady mother. But... gah. I is just getting sick to death of not knowing what people talking about when all are obsessively doing DnD-related activities. No one can take a break from playing long enough to teach; no one can stop what they're doing long enough to explain what they're doing; no one can drop it for long enough for me to teach myself. Or is not so much cannot as all look so engrossed that I don't want to be bothersome and make them, as do not gather would be happy about it. Sigh.
Need black jeans. Can go shopping with mother Friday afternoon, but wanted to get together with friends on Friday. Which means Friday morning/early afternoon, or Friday evening. Am looking forward to shopping, though. Back to school shopping is always fun. I only fight with my mother a little on clothes shopping, and school supplies shopping is ubermuchly fun. (Staples-loving gene runs in family.) Main decision there to be made is whether I want absolutely everything to be black or absolutely everything to be purple. Probably black. But can't make absolutely everything black, as have purple backpack. So can have it all match or just have as much black as possible, which is probably what will do.
I need red hair dye. It's way too late to get any off goodgoth.com (sucketh. They having sale), so will go where Ben recommended in May. Just hope have retained information correctly. Probably have; I retain most useful information if I think it's useful at the time and remember it as long as I think it's useful. Unfortunately, whatever decides what's useful and what's not doesn't think much of schoolwork. It's also very visually sensitive; it remembers what people say better when they look pretty.
Want to learn more HTML. Can't do the ickle link to other people's usernames thing. Suppose could go ask someone...
Need to find an Analyze the Lyrics for Blind Guardian songs... they seem to have very analyze-able lyrics. Will go do that next. Then read.
At the moment, I just feel desperately, desperately in need of a life.
-Claudia
Have been making utterly random observations. Have also been obsessively running over all the things I have failed to accomplish in the past year, in the form of making "I need" lists. Many "I need"s come from random observations.
I need more music. Needmoreneedmoreneedmore. Moody and Ella burned me CDs and gave them to me today, so that's about twice as much as I had, but still. Need more. Have decided I like heavy metal and old rock (not only can now stand the Grateful Dead, but actually like them. About time; can only hate a band just because you're made to listen to it for so long). Not even needing peoples to be nice and burn CDs for me, just want recommended songs and can download them here at fatherperson's house. (I'n't Kazaa wonderful?)
Have too many nonfiction books! Need more fantasy! Much more! Have an absurdly long list of books to get, but most are classics and/or nonfiction. And Tolkien tends to be hard to start; too thinkworkish. I've been feeling Generally Discontent about my reading material since I finished Piers Anthony's "Incarnations of Immortality" series. Which means should probably go read the Xanth books, considering they're what he's famous for anyway. I think I've gotten too far out of the zone of reading I really like through being too much of an intellectual elitist. I miss generic, easy-to-read S&S, dammit! I feel completely behind in the whole fantasy genre. I used to be all by myself in even liking that stuff; now I'm woefully behind everyone else who seems to have missed having a Middle Ages about it. For a few years, I didn't have any new reading material, and seem to have missed tons of reading. Now I'm mad at myself for missing worlds, and am, in essence, making mental notes to check out entire fandoms. When the PPC board posts another woefully bad LotR/Forgotten Realms crossover, and I realize I only know one fandom while both are S&S book fandoms, I tend to feel extremely disappointed in myself. Should've picked up LotR earlier, should've read more, should've read more... but I had no contact with anyone else for such a long time; there was only Christine, and anything she didn't get into I didn't know existed. I've missed way too much, and feel that with all this bloody useless schoolwork and fanfiction crap I'll never have time to catch up. I *need* to go to the library. In the meantime, I'm going to go read more of that book Matt lent me, whatever it's called, when I'm done ranting here.
It was about four months ago when I was invited to be introduced into the world of DnD by sitting in on gaming sessions. Well, it has been proven that I can't pick it up that way. Asked Moody how to remedy this; he says it is highly unlikely that anyone with a copy of the Player's Handbook will be able to part with it for the week or two it would probably take me to read it. Sigh. Means probably must buy it myself. However, book is thirty dollars ish, which is much money for ickle me, considering I usually buy paperback fantasy series novels which tend to range from five to eight dollars. Could probably get it for less online, but then add shipping, and probably save about five dollars, ten absolute maximum. Don't particularly want to spend that much on something I'm not totally sure I'll be that into, and can't know how much I like it until I learn it. Don't know if library carries, or if other library carries. Will ask my dear lady mother. But... gah. I is just getting sick to death of not knowing what people talking about when all are obsessively doing DnD-related activities. No one can take a break from playing long enough to teach; no one can stop what they're doing long enough to explain what they're doing; no one can drop it for long enough for me to teach myself. Or is not so much cannot as all look so engrossed that I don't want to be bothersome and make them, as do not gather would be happy about it. Sigh.
Need black jeans. Can go shopping with mother Friday afternoon, but wanted to get together with friends on Friday. Which means Friday morning/early afternoon, or Friday evening. Am looking forward to shopping, though. Back to school shopping is always fun. I only fight with my mother a little on clothes shopping, and school supplies shopping is ubermuchly fun. (Staples-loving gene runs in family.) Main decision there to be made is whether I want absolutely everything to be black or absolutely everything to be purple. Probably black. But can't make absolutely everything black, as have purple backpack. So can have it all match or just have as much black as possible, which is probably what will do.
I need red hair dye. It's way too late to get any off goodgoth.com (sucketh. They having sale), so will go where Ben recommended in May. Just hope have retained information correctly. Probably have; I retain most useful information if I think it's useful at the time and remember it as long as I think it's useful. Unfortunately, whatever decides what's useful and what's not doesn't think much of schoolwork. It's also very visually sensitive; it remembers what people say better when they look pretty.
Want to learn more HTML. Can't do the ickle link to other people's usernames thing. Suppose could go ask someone...
Need to find an Analyze the Lyrics for Blind Guardian songs... they seem to have very analyze-able lyrics. Will go do that next. Then read.
At the moment, I just feel desperately, desperately in need of a life.
-Claudia
