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Nov. 22nd, 2003 06:15 pmYesterday and today were both very weird days in their own ways.
Yesterday, had a pep rally for the field hockey team, which was just damn scary. Then went to the shrink, where was diagnosed with bipolar depression. Have been debating accuracy of diagnosis with various peoples since. Then went to swings, except (at six o'clock when it's nearly dark) there were still small children there. So went Jacobyhousing, which has become a vaguely wierd-feeling activity lately.
Today, got up at 7h30 and was supposed to be at Edward's by 8. >.< Got there at 8h15; not too bad. Was very happy when went filming; came back and watched Bowling for Columbine ("Take the skinheads bowling, take them bowling..."). That was all very much fun. Then started sinking a little into disconnected melancholy--not quite the same as depression somehow. Didn't want to go home so at about 3 started walking to Jacobyhouse, which solved disconnection a bit but made the melancholy slightly worse by focusing it. At four, went to swings because was about to start crying (and because was slightly bored). Have been attempting to get in touch with Ella since, both because I want to figure out what we're doing tonight (I am NOT staying home. Am NOT) and because I have a bunch of thoughts and worries I want to pour out to her and have her see whether or not I'm really crazy for having such bloody wierd emotions. Also need to hear a female voice that is not Jill Clayburgh singing in my head. Especially as song is "I Guess I'll Miss The Man", which contains the kind of logic that I'd always wanted to avoid but seem to have fallen into. Sigh.
I have a whole bunch of worries in my head that I for some reason am hesitant to post here and don't have a beginning to even if I weren't. Maybe I'll find a way to approach them some other time.
Sigh.
-Claudia
Yesterday, had a pep rally for the field hockey team, which was just damn scary. Then went to the shrink, where was diagnosed with bipolar depression. Have been debating accuracy of diagnosis with various peoples since. Then went to swings, except (at six o'clock when it's nearly dark) there were still small children there. So went Jacobyhousing, which has become a vaguely wierd-feeling activity lately.
Today, got up at 7h30 and was supposed to be at Edward's by 8. >.< Got there at 8h15; not too bad. Was very happy when went filming; came back and watched Bowling for Columbine ("Take the skinheads bowling, take them bowling..."). That was all very much fun. Then started sinking a little into disconnected melancholy--not quite the same as depression somehow. Didn't want to go home so at about 3 started walking to Jacobyhouse, which solved disconnection a bit but made the melancholy slightly worse by focusing it. At four, went to swings because was about to start crying (and because was slightly bored). Have been attempting to get in touch with Ella since, both because I want to figure out what we're doing tonight (I am NOT staying home. Am NOT) and because I have a bunch of thoughts and worries I want to pour out to her and have her see whether or not I'm really crazy for having such bloody wierd emotions. Also need to hear a female voice that is not Jill Clayburgh singing in my head. Especially as song is "I Guess I'll Miss The Man", which contains the kind of logic that I'd always wanted to avoid but seem to have fallen into. Sigh.
I have a whole bunch of worries in my head that I for some reason am hesitant to post here and don't have a beginning to even if I weren't. Maybe I'll find a way to approach them some other time.
Sigh.
-Claudia
