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Late-night rambling
Sep. 8th, 2007 01:44 amIf there is one very simple truth of the universe it is this: everything is fucking complicated.
This goes double for people.
For anything a human being--regardless of age, gender, class, or other demographic that will start stereotype after stereotype running through your brain and tempting you to stop thinking about the actual situatio at hand--does, says, or does not do or say, there is a reason. Said reason is not always a good or "logical" one; in fact, it often is not. However, for anything a human does or does not do or say, if one does not know the actual reason, there are many, many, often incredibly intricate possible reasons. You do not know which one is right until you know. If a person interprets another person's behavior as only having one possible reason, they are probably merely projecting what the reason would be if it were them acting or failing to act.
This leads to two excessively common mistakes people make in dealing with each other, at opposite extremes:
The first is to fail to attempt to figure out the why behind a person's actions because one assumes it to be self-evident. Well, we all know what they say about assumptions making an ass out of you and me... this is not just a clever pun. Assumptions are not endearing and are rarely right. People, as a race, are usually not found to be overly appreciative of others grafting their own feelings, prejudices, and general psychological baggage onto one's own person psychological baggage, and it gives the distinct impression that one is self-important to the degree that one is actually thinking about oneself even when professing to think of another.
The second is the "oh hai i'm bein straightforward!!" tack, which ignores the effect of confrontation on the human psyche (it makes a difference!), and generally ignores the more complex reality that most of what people do they do for multiple reasons in varying degrees of rationality and emotionality, many of which are in conflict with each other, and that very rarely, when you decide to sit somebody down and Talk To Them, will they actually be able to give you all the many different facets of the true answer to any question even remotely related to emotion, behavior, etc., at the drop of a hat. While "being straightforward" may be an admirable sign of strength in a culture based largely on obfuscation and unthinking emotional reactionism, many people fail to recognize that the way people work is anything but straightforward.
The tendency towards oversimplification--attempting to break down an incredibly complicated and subtle universe, and in particular, a race of incredibly complex and subtle beings, into manageably simple types--is one of humankind's greatest weaknesses. When combined with a tendency to oversimplify in the direction of "everybody works like me", we become a race of hurtful and destructive ones: we make up answers where we don't have actual ones. We are not comfortable with uncertainty, but we ourselves are too complicated to ever be quite certain of ourselves, let alone others. The unfortunate result: we make shit up. And then believe it. Do I really need to explain why this is bad news?
I, personally, have always been socially inept enough that I have long ago swallowed my pride and been able to admit to myself that no, I do not, in fact, have the slightest bloody idea what is really going on with other people most of the time. I can take some measure of pride in being strong enough and clear-sighted enough to recognize and admit my own lack of answers, but at the same time... good Lord, there is a reason why people assume things about other people. It's much, much more comfortable. Going through life uncertain of everybody is far more nerve-wracking than I sometimes feel is quite worth it, and it is an unfortunate truth that one does, sometimes, have to make a guess as to what is going on with somebody else in order to pick a way to react to it. When one knows that whatever guess one makes it pretty much random bullshit, then the way one reacts to people tends to severely lack confidence. And it is one of the few pretty solid threads of human behavior that lack of confidence usually results in something going wrong for somebody.
Or perhaps I just need to stop being so paralyzingly terrified of everything and everybody. I need to find a way to appreciate the unfathomable complexity of the human animal in a way that doesn't make me FUCKING SCARED OF EVERYONE. I'm so sick of being scared.
In other news, it's 2 am and I feel like running until I outrun all these bizarre mixed-up negative feelings I've got at the moment. But this is Worcester, and it's 2 am, and this would be a really, really dumb idea.
I've been full of more feelings lately than even I am used to and I haven't even been skipping my medication. I've felt bored, stressed, left out, lost, in love, claustrophobic, sedentary, frustrated, amused, skeptical, resentful, overreaching, reactionary, sadistic, etc, etc, all at the same bloody time. I don't like it. I thought I had a grip on myself but I feel like I'm having an identity crisis.
September is the real best time for new year's resolutions.
1. I will stop being scared of everyone and everything.
2. I will stop defining myself with anti's, so that I can stop having identity crises every time I dare to develop a new interest or feeling.
3. I will develop willpower. Somehow. And discipline. And stuff.
Perhaps I should say 4. I will not drink and livejournal, but I think I should stick to realistic resolutions. :P
This goes double for people.
For anything a human being--regardless of age, gender, class, or other demographic that will start stereotype after stereotype running through your brain and tempting you to stop thinking about the actual situatio at hand--does, says, or does not do or say, there is a reason. Said reason is not always a good or "logical" one; in fact, it often is not. However, for anything a human does or does not do or say, if one does not know the actual reason, there are many, many, often incredibly intricate possible reasons. You do not know which one is right until you know. If a person interprets another person's behavior as only having one possible reason, they are probably merely projecting what the reason would be if it were them acting or failing to act.
This leads to two excessively common mistakes people make in dealing with each other, at opposite extremes:
The first is to fail to attempt to figure out the why behind a person's actions because one assumes it to be self-evident. Well, we all know what they say about assumptions making an ass out of you and me... this is not just a clever pun. Assumptions are not endearing and are rarely right. People, as a race, are usually not found to be overly appreciative of others grafting their own feelings, prejudices, and general psychological baggage onto one's own person psychological baggage, and it gives the distinct impression that one is self-important to the degree that one is actually thinking about oneself even when professing to think of another.
The second is the "oh hai i'm bein straightforward!!" tack, which ignores the effect of confrontation on the human psyche (it makes a difference!), and generally ignores the more complex reality that most of what people do they do for multiple reasons in varying degrees of rationality and emotionality, many of which are in conflict with each other, and that very rarely, when you decide to sit somebody down and Talk To Them, will they actually be able to give you all the many different facets of the true answer to any question even remotely related to emotion, behavior, etc., at the drop of a hat. While "being straightforward" may be an admirable sign of strength in a culture based largely on obfuscation and unthinking emotional reactionism, many people fail to recognize that the way people work is anything but straightforward.
The tendency towards oversimplification--attempting to break down an incredibly complicated and subtle universe, and in particular, a race of incredibly complex and subtle beings, into manageably simple types--is one of humankind's greatest weaknesses. When combined with a tendency to oversimplify in the direction of "everybody works like me", we become a race of hurtful and destructive ones: we make up answers where we don't have actual ones. We are not comfortable with uncertainty, but we ourselves are too complicated to ever be quite certain of ourselves, let alone others. The unfortunate result: we make shit up. And then believe it. Do I really need to explain why this is bad news?
I, personally, have always been socially inept enough that I have long ago swallowed my pride and been able to admit to myself that no, I do not, in fact, have the slightest bloody idea what is really going on with other people most of the time. I can take some measure of pride in being strong enough and clear-sighted enough to recognize and admit my own lack of answers, but at the same time... good Lord, there is a reason why people assume things about other people. It's much, much more comfortable. Going through life uncertain of everybody is far more nerve-wracking than I sometimes feel is quite worth it, and it is an unfortunate truth that one does, sometimes, have to make a guess as to what is going on with somebody else in order to pick a way to react to it. When one knows that whatever guess one makes it pretty much random bullshit, then the way one reacts to people tends to severely lack confidence. And it is one of the few pretty solid threads of human behavior that lack of confidence usually results in something going wrong for somebody.
Or perhaps I just need to stop being so paralyzingly terrified of everything and everybody. I need to find a way to appreciate the unfathomable complexity of the human animal in a way that doesn't make me FUCKING SCARED OF EVERYONE. I'm so sick of being scared.
In other news, it's 2 am and I feel like running until I outrun all these bizarre mixed-up negative feelings I've got at the moment. But this is Worcester, and it's 2 am, and this would be a really, really dumb idea.
I've been full of more feelings lately than even I am used to and I haven't even been skipping my medication. I've felt bored, stressed, left out, lost, in love, claustrophobic, sedentary, frustrated, amused, skeptical, resentful, overreaching, reactionary, sadistic, etc, etc, all at the same bloody time. I don't like it. I thought I had a grip on myself but I feel like I'm having an identity crisis.
September is the real best time for new year's resolutions.
1. I will stop being scared of everyone and everything.
2. I will stop defining myself with anti's, so that I can stop having identity crises every time I dare to develop a new interest or feeling.
3. I will develop willpower. Somehow. And discipline. And stuff.
Perhaps I should say 4. I will not drink and livejournal, but I think I should stick to realistic resolutions. :P