A Refresher Course on Basic Etiquette/Claudia's Grievance List

[bloodygranuaile]

Most of this is, in fact, general etiquette. But yet, it is also the stuff that pisses me off the most, and that I end up having to deal with the most. If you're the reason an item is on this list, please knock it off, at least in dealing with me before I become a complete hermit--for Chrissakes, you guys are supposed to be the people I like.

"You can deny all you want that there is etiquette, and a lot of people do in everyday life. But if you behave in a way that offends the people you're trying to deal with, they will stop dealing with you." -Judith Martin (Miss Manners)

Read at your own risk. Contains potentially offensive content for multiple parties. Some of this I should probably not be reopening again, as much of it comes from old offenses since squared away, but stuff builds up with me.

1. While a guest at somebody's house, respect their house rules. For example, if your host informs you that it is against house rules to snog in the hot tub with other people present, do not snog in the hot tub with other people present.
2. Do not snog with other people present. It is highly unlikely that all of the others want to see that.
3. There is a difference between host and guest. Actually, there are multiple differences between host and guest. Including that the host gets to decide who the guests are, but the guests do not get to decide who the host is. If you are a guest, it is rude to invite additional guests without consent of the host/hostess.
4. Do not assume everything is open invitation. If you have been given a direct invitation, it is likely that the event in question is operating on a direct-invitation basis.
5. Topics that you are well aware someone is not interested in are not good topics for light conversation with them. Continuing to talk to someone about something they don't care about is at best boring and at worst exceedingly annoying.
6. While it would be a bit overarching to state "I don't care about your love life," as that is rather uncaring, there is a big difference between a serious (or at least semi-serious) conversation between friends about a very real aspect of one or the other's life, and idly rambling on about your sexual exploits because I am there to ramble at and it's somehow supposed to be funny. So, I will put it this way: I do not find your love life entertaining. If I were interested, I would express interest.
7. If a third party really wants me to know something about their love life, I am sure they will see fit to inform me. Gossip is rude. Again, there is a difference between saying something relevant to a moderately serious conversation and rambling on because you don't care that I'm not interested, which brings us back to #5.
8. Just in case you missed it from the above three, and #2--private lives are private.
9. If someone informs you that they are avoiding something or someone, do not continue talking about it/him/her like it's entertaining. Chances are, if someone is avoiding/"doesn't want to see"/"doesn't want to think about"/any other phrase beginning with "doesn't want...", they probably also don't find it amusing and, consequently, don't want to hear about it.
10. While it is perfectly natural to not be happy all the time, and friends are crappy friends if they are not willing to deal with you during your down times as well as your up times, don't make everything all about how miserable you are, all the time. Your friends are not your therapists, and unless you're willing to pay them $150 an hour as well, don't treat them as such.
11. If someone turns you down, let it go. It is disrespectful to continue trying to pick someone up when they have already turned you down multiple times, like they're going to randomly change their mind on you.
12. No, turning your failed attempt to pick them up into self-deprecating whining so you can pass it off as a joke does not make it polite, less disrespectful, or less annoying. If someone says no just leave it at no, at least for a few months.
13. There is no need to out-suck other people's lives every time they're upset about something. We all have our problems. Yours are not always the worst nor the most important.
14. It is no less mean to make fun of people for not being depressed than it is to make fun of people for being depressed.
15. People are not obligated to invite everyone to everything, and often don't. Therefore, it is a good idea to not publicize events, unless they are open invitation, because nobody likes knowing they got left out.
16. Other people are not obligated to accomodate your significant other every time they plan something. Often, they can't. Don't try to make them change their plans.
17. If you're acting in a rude, annoying, or bitchy fashion, being hot does not mean you're any less rude, annoying, or bitchy.
18. Sometimes people do not directly state "You're annoying the living fuck out of me, knock it off or I'll never speak to you again." Learn to listen enough to notice when they're annoyed with you before they resort to actually saying this.

Yes, I realize I have some of these faults too, hopefully not as many as when I was a sophomore *wince*, and I will try to work on them. And I have other faults too, such as posting inflammatory things on LJ. I will try to work them out as well. But today, I am losing my temper in the only way I can--writing.

Comments

[elladarcy.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

I'm sorry, I know, I'm working on it.

[transientangent.livejournal.com]

2. We try and avoid this one, or at the very least keep it short.
3. I apologize for this one. I just didn't realize the reaction it would cause. I had looked at an oversight and good idea to correct, but I was wrong.
4. I apologize for this one as well. Sometimes I forget that people don't get along well with other people. I'll try and keep this in mind more often.
5. I'm not sure about this one, and I try to avoid it. If I don't at least get laughs I tend to shut up.
7. I may slip once and awhile, but I try not to gossip.
9. Same answers as numbers four and five.
13. Again, I'm uncertain on this one. I'm not very self aware of my own griping, and I'm not sure how much of it I do or don't do.
15. I'm pretty sure this is a repeat of a previous grievance. I get it. I've got enough voices in my head telling me what an asshole I am.
16. I was just asking. I only ask to see if such is possible, and if it's inconvenient and unreasonable I don't try and impose.
18. No, but it would be nice of people to not pretend that nothing is going on. I suppose it's hypocritical of me to say such because I'm probably most guilty of this, but it's still something I don't like.

I try and do the right thing and end up being an asshole to everyone. I've thought and thought and still haven't reached any conclusions so I've just tried to shut up more. I don't mean literally become silent, but just shut up and not say anything of consequence or meaning. The last thing I'm going to do though is excommunicate myself from anyone. I've done that before, and it didn't feel very nice. It was extremely unpleasant and depressing as a matter of fact.

Well Said

[patrickcolleton.livejournal.com]

Much of this sounds reasonable, direct and respectful. I would, however, comment on one item. It is true that all events are not open invitation. One should not assume oneself invited to everything. I do belive, though others may not share my opinion, that you shold extend your comfort somewhat and invite others that you may not like. I believe this is the loving way. It is easy to be kind to ones friends, and harder to be kind to annoying. I like to think I practice this ideal. Most all events that I hold are understood to be open. However, going back to the point with which I began, one cannot require another to invite someone and invitations should not be assumed open.